


Balance

by assassi



Category: Bleach
Genre: ByaRen, Denial, Happy Ending, M/M, RenBya, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 09:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17764532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assassi/pseuds/assassi
Summary: This is one of the very few works from my FF account that I plan to post here as well since I still like how they turned out :)The song that inspired this story and is used in it is Jarryd James' Do you remember.Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach (obviously).





	Balance

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the very few works from my FF account that I plan to post here as well since I still like how they turned out :)
> 
> The song that inspired this story and is used in it is Jarryd James' Do you remember.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach (obviously).

_When did we lose our way?_  
_Easier to let it go_  
 _So many, can't tell anybody_  
 _Harder to let you know…_

 

Byakuya didn’t know when he first admitted it. There was that time when he went to fetch his pathologically late vice-captain from his quarters and caught Renji doing up his hair, hurriedly, his uniform still undone, the long red locks spread over a muscular tattooed chest, half on display. A hairpin was caught between his teeth and he looked grimly determined and a little annoyed when he turned around to face the intruder. His eyes had widened when he had seen his captain and he had quickly finished taming his mane and had immediately covered his upper body from Byakuya’s gaze.

Or was it when he caught himself noticing more and more about Renji that appealed to him: some of the 11th’s ferocity, never quite dimmed in the 6th, the survival instincts from Rukongai , the haunted look that sometimes still took over Renji’s animalistic eyes.

But Renji had grown up and turned out into a respected officer of Gotei 13. All of the Sixth loved him – quite more so than they loved Byakuya, he was aware of that. Renji walked proudly amongst his subordinates, eliciting respect and smiles that weren’t forced out of duty. He walked proudly among his colleagues - their gatherings were frequent and Renji was a much awaited presence at all of them. The captains respected him. And it was a mystery to Byakuya why Renji wasn’t one of them already. He had the qualities: he had a Bankai and in the same time he didn’t just summon it on a whim like he had years ago – he had grown up enough to know when and how to use it.

Renji had turned into someone Byakuya could (and did) admire.

And then, maybe on that day in Renji’s flat when he had been doing his hair, or while he had observed the redhead train the newest recruits with both passion and patience, or when he had watched his vice-captain leave for yet another gathering, maybe then Byakuya finally admitted to himself that his feelings for Abarai went beyond admiration.

Because Renji had turned into someone Byakuya could _love_.

* * *

 

_Caught up in the way that you played my heart  
Only love could ever hit this hard…_

“He has changed you”, Kyoraku said, while dodging one of Byakuya’s blows; they were barely sparring, not even in Shikai, and Senbonzakura was getting annoyed by that. “Into someone better. Or… maybe just brought you back.”

“What was that supposed to mean, Kyoraku Taichou?”

Shunsui chose the harder answer to this question. “When you became the head of the Kuchiki House… and then after Hisana… and then after Rukia… so many things have been breaking you, Byakuya. By the time Renji became part of the equation you were not the boy Yoruichi liked to rile up and mess with. But now… now I think I can see some of that spark again.”

Byakuya stopped his impending attack and stepped back. Senbonzakura felt like it was vibrating in his hand, urging him to keep up. But Byakuya wasn’t really in it, not any more.

Kyoraku straightened from his striking position and smiled at the Sixth’s captain.

“You said he has changed me”, Byakuya said.

Kyoraku nodded. “Love does that to people.”

Byakuya’s eyes shone, stone cold gray, as he narrowed them at his colleague.

“Should I assume that the same applies to you then? But should we thank Ise Fukutaichou or Ukitake Taichou for that?”

Shunsui burst laughing. “See what I mean? You wouldn’t ever say that just a few years ago! But you _would have, a couple of decades_ ago”, he winked.

Byakuya fought down his blush. Successfully. Because he was not the brat Yoruichi liked to rile up and mess with. He was the Head of the Kuchiki House, a Captain, and he was in control.

* * *

 

Byakuya was losing the grasp on his control.

He was man enough to admit it. And he admitted it as he watched another man enjoying the steaming hot waters of the onsen.

Blood red tresses spilled on wide tattooed shoulders and down his back as the shinigami slowly stood up among the slight mist and Byakuya finally understood all those reverent human stories and legends about their kind. If Byakuya were a human he would gladly give up his soul to this reaper.

Renji turned around and saw him, standing there and staring at his Fukutaichou. He didn’t blush or look away, just stared right back. A slow smug smirk stretched his lips – that man was fully aware of his good looks. And his nudity. And had no problem with either of them. As he passed by his Captain he just nodded and walked away without a word.

* * *

 

That night Byakuya dreamed. Of blood red hair spread on his pristine white pillow, of animalistic eyes, fighting to stay open and look up at him, and then losing the battle as that sinful mouth opened on a gasp or a low moan. He dreamed of strong limbs, wrapped around him; of muscled tattooed arms and hands that could break but now those fingers sought a desperate grasp of his own shoulders, in his own stark black hair as his own lips traveled down the tattooed chest with reverence.

And, in the sanctuary of his own inner world, Byakuya allowed himself those few stolen moments of what could never be.

  
_Don't forget it was real_  
 _Do you remember the way it made you feel?_  
 _Do you remember the things it let you feel?..._

* * *

 

“Am I holding him back?”

The question was quiet, but there was no doubt it had been meant to be spoken and heard, at least by Kyoraku. Shunsui didn’t answer immediately, just kept observing Abarai, his fiery red hair fluttering in the wind as he spun and attacked in surprising moves that left the newbies at a total loss. They never had a chance with him to begin with, Byakuya thought. They didn’t have his grace and they didn’t have his experience and skill. He wasn’t even in Bankai. Even just his Shikai form had them gaping.

“Balance”, Shunsui suddenly said next to him. He was smiling when Byakuya turned to look at him. “I think that was Yama-jii’s idea for the two of you. Your calmness and his passion. Your stoicism and his ferocity. That’s why Renji’s not a Captain yet. You need each other. You balance each other. You bring out the opposite in each other.”

Byakuya thought about that. Indeed, Renji had become a lot more… collected with the years. He would never be _stoic_ , but he wasn’t the hothead brat he used to be either. And, if Shunsui was to be believed, Byakuya had gained back some of his old boyish spark again.

Balance. Would he corrupt balance if he acted on his forbidden feelings?

No. He was a Captain, the Head of the Kuchiki House and that was out of question.

* * *

 

It was all there when he started to pay attention, to listen to what his own squad talked among themselves. The Sixth considered themselves subordinates to _two_ captains.

“The only difference is that Abarai san doesn’t wear the haori.”

“And even that is probably out of respect for Kuchiki sama.”

* * *

 

“What are ya scared of, Kuchiki?”

Byakuya turned baleful eyes towards the man he was unfortunately bound to call his colleague and equal. Zaraki grinned his patented ferocious grin and stared challengingly at him.

“I do not presume to know what you mean, Zaraki Taichou”, Byakuya spat out, wishing the Senkaimon would open sooner and they could part ways immediately after that.

“Hmmm?”, the other man hummed. And then, suddenly, “He _asked_ to be in the Eleventh.”

“What?”, Byakuya was too stunned for a more elaborate question.

“Renji”, Zaraki clarified, rolling a single visible eye. “He wasn’t moved out of the Fifth. He asked to be in my squad. Know who does that?” Zaraki grinned wider. “Those who can _survive_ it. Survive _me_.”

The Senkaimon finally started to open. Byakuya didn’t move.

“What I’m sayin’ is. Renji is more than prepared to face anything. He can deal wi’ it. Question is. Can _you_?”

And with a final smug grin Zaraki Kenpachi stepped through the gates.

* * *

 

 _How do I make you stay?_  
_When it's easier to let you go._  
 _Nobody knows what we know about it_  
 _No one needs to know…_

“So? When did the goal change?”

Renji looked up, still panting, dust still dancing around them after Ikkaku’s last attack. He straightened up, gripping Zabimaru tighter, diving into another attack. You had to do your best with Ikkaku, had to be all in. It would be offending otherwise.

And suicidal.

“Meaning?”, Renji groaned.

“When did you stop striving to surpass him and instead started wanting his approval?”

Renji gritted his teeth but didn’t provide an answer. He focused on their fight, trying to ignore the mess Ikkaku’s words were wrecking in his mind and soul. Zabimaru whined quietly in a small hidden part of his inner world.

“But it was always about wanting his approval, wasn’t it?”, Ikkaku mused, not stopping his impeccable fluid moves. “All you’ve ever wanted from him was acknowledgement. Until recently.”

Renji’s heart skipped a beat, but he tried to ignore that too, tried to shut out those thoughts, because he knew his captain, knew it was impossible with his rank and his name and no one could know that…

“When did you fall in love with him?”

Renji tripped badly, losing his balance. Ikkaku caught him and straightened him back up.

“And when did you become a loser who’s afraid to confess what’s part of himself?”, Ikkaku growled in his ear. “That’s not how I taught you, Renji. That’s not how we do it in the Eleventh. You know better.”

And with that he was gone, leaving his student stunned in the middle of the training field.

* * *

 

Subtle was a word easily used to describe Kuchiki Byakuya. What was private, stayed private.

Until it didn’t.

Until the whole Gotei 13 knew.

The whole Seireitei knew.

All it took was a single shunpo step into the unknown.

It was the day Byakuya finally lost his control.

* * *

 

It was unforgivable for a captain. It was inexcusable. Even if he fought with six Menos Grandes. Even if he had already taken down two. He had become too smug, too arrogant in his small victory, failing to see the bigger picture. Until a sharp cry of “Taichou!” made him turn around and take a good look.

Renji was fighting off two of the remaining four Menos. A faint red reiatsu glow surrounded him as he threw all of himself at holding the monsters back… from attacking Byakuya’s back. And that’s exactly what the third Menos did to Renji himself, attacking him cowardly from behind. Renji did sense what was about to happen, it was plain in his eyes, but engaged as he was in his fight with the two in front of him he had no time, no chance to turn around and block the blow from the third enemy.

It hit him hard, making the red reiatsu glow waver until it dissipated altogether as Renji started falling down.

Two things happened almost instantly.

The blinding white blaze of Byakuya’s reiatsu made it look as if just his _rage_ was enough to finish off the four Menos; it was impossible for the spectators, stunned by this uncharacteristic display of emotions, to see the captain of the Sixth moving with lightning speed, delivering four precise killing blows.

The fifth shunpo step showed Byakuya right next to Renji’s falling body, just as it fell right into Byakuya’s arms, gently, softly.

Renji opened his eyes and saw the white light, smiling half-bitterly, half amused. It seemed humans described it quite correctly. He was just glad that his captain’s face was the last thing he saw in his final moments.

In another second and another shunpo Byakuya was off to the Fourth.

* * *

 

 _When you love to your limit_  
_You gave all you're given_  
 _Who you gonna pray to when you're there_  
 _Will you find out that there ain't no other love_  
 _No other love for you…_

* * *

 

Byakuya stared at the full moon as it cast a mysterious glow over the vast gardens of the Kuchiki Manor. The pale orb looked too far, cold and detached in the way many people would describe him. He was told as a kid that he had been born on a night just like this one, thus bearing the name Byakuya.

He was fed up with his cold image.

He looked to his right. Renji’s dreamy gaze was also focused on the moon. He was smiling slightly, seemingly unaware that he did so. He was dressed in that damn yukata that he unabashedly wore all the time while not in his uniform; and according to Rikichi, “the women within his Division do not mind that he usually walks around in his night clothing”. Byakuya could bet that they did not mind. _He_ did though. From now on Renji was only allowed in night clothing around Byakuya, no one else.

Sensing his gaze Renji turned his eyes back on Byakuya. His smile became softer, the way Byakuya had never seen it before. But, if it was true that everyone carried their name as their karma, maybe Renji’s _yearning love_ was finally answered.

And maybe Byakuya’s _white night_ s wouldn’t be as cold and lonely anymore.

It only took four Menos Grandes and a week in the Fourth Devision to open their eyes.

* * *

 

Renji pulled nervously at the white robe, feeling awkward, fighting down a blush.

“Stop doing this.”

Renji straightened up again. “Hai, Taichou”, he answered automatically.

Byakuya’s lips twitched just barely. Anyone else wouldn’t have caught it.

Renji wasn’t anyone else and he knew that the Kuchiki heir was truly amused as he said,

“After you …Taichou.”

Renji gulped dryly, cleared his throat, rearranged his new haori for the last time and took a deep breath as he opened the door to their office and went out to face their squad.

The Sixth Division was the first and only in Gotei 13 that had _two_ captains.

 


End file.
